A Day in the Life...

A bit of back story.. I am "dating" a guy that I am in strong strong like with (we haven't said "those words" to each other yet so I don't think I can write them on here). We have been friends for 5 years and always been drawn to each other more than just friends. This summer I went to visit him in California and everything fell into place and for the first time in a long time, things really felt right... really really right.  However, I moved back to Michigan. More on that later..

The situation this week. Out of the blue his uncle died. Very sad story. He flew back almost immediately to attend all the funeral events. However, since we have "just been friends" all these years, I have only met his parents once and none of the rest of his family. So in a time when you need the most comfort he chose to keep me away. He wasnt ready for me to see him like that or make this the first 'meeting of the fam'. Of course I understand, completely, but I'm stuck over here feeling completely helpless. I just want to be able to wrap my arms around him and give him some sense of comfort but timing has never been our strong suite.

When I think about other guys I have dated, if the roles were reversed, I dont know if I would have them come with me but not becuase I wouldnt want them to but more because I know they wouldnt want to be there and therefore I would not force them. This guy, on the otherhand, I know would be there for me in a heartbeat no matter what I asked of him and I feel the exact same way. So you can imagine why it is killing me just sitting here doing nothing. Is there something I should/could be doing without actually attending the events? Its strange because all week I have been feeling the sadness of having lost someone but still going about my daily life, it makes me feel a little guilty. Is that weird.

My only hope is that once the funeral has passed, he will choose to let me in in another way.